Philly's Rose Window
by Shadow-Hawk Opal
Summary: NEW Chapter! When Shawn keeps secrets, he keeps them well. Until Turner notices his grades dropping that is. Everything begins to fall apart from there. Very Dramatic. Complete!
1. Chapter 1 It Starts

DISCLAIMER:

"Is-An-y-bo-dy-be-hind-you,-my-Shawn? We're all alone here, I'm gonna bail, you better not, oh yes I will….." I DON'T OWN BOY MEETS WORLD, though I still don't know who does anymore…?

On the boulevard

Looking for your face

Fearing where you might be

On the boulevard

Killing the pain of not knowing

With hands and heart of stony grace

On the boulevard

Waiting to know

Waiting to die

Wanting you back

On the boulevard

Shawn and Cory the unstoppable duo in school. Topenga had joined the group as the girlfriend, but she still considered Shawn a dear friend.

Jonathan Turner thought back on the year it had been since Shawn's father left town. Shawn'd become like a son to him. He wanted to go back and change his decision not to sign the adoption papers, and he wanted to give Shawn a home. He didn't know if Shawn really wanted that though, but he would damn well make sure Shawn had a life to live.

He would give Shawn a key to his apartment, let him come and go as he wanted. He wanted Shawn to know he would be there for him everyday if he needed it. He knew of the trailer he and his father lived in, if it was anything, he'd give Shawn and his father a "gift" so to speak.

There was a scholarship available which he was sure Shawn could enter, his grades had improved so when he came here to live. Able to concentrate on studying instead of taking care of his father, Shawn had become on the level with Topenga and Minkus. Even Cory was doing well. Shawn and Angela had gotten together, and life was better for everyone in his life.

Yes life was going well for Shawn and Jon.

Shawn and Cory had the same homeroom, and 1st period class together that year. They always did the same everyday. Got up, and took the bus from Turner's apartment, close to Cory's home. Today was no different. The two walked from the buses at Cory's place where Shawn would walk up the street to Jon's apartment after he had done his homework.

Shawn had felt slightly lightheaded as they had gotten off the bus, but he attributed it to vertigo in getting off the bus too fast. So they started their homework, and they were through with everything except for their math homework, and art projects.

"You two almost done, Cory? It's almost dinnertime, you two have been at that for hours. Are you sure you two aren't sick? Usually you guys will flake off until the last minute." Alan said as he prepared dinner. "Shawn you want to stay for dinner?"

Shawn replied, "No I promised Jon I'd be home for dinner, so I'll see you later." Shawn lied through his teeth with that, no such promise, he knew Jon wouldn't be home for a while, so he wanted to get home and dose up on Tylenol and go to bed before Jon got home.

He'd been getting dizzy spells all day, and he felt slightly sick to his stomach, and wasn't in mood for dinner. Cory didn't notice a thing, Shawn knew from experience he wouldn't, so he got his homework done there. Jon wouldn't want to be bothered to take care of him, he in his solid bachelor ways would never know how to be a parent. Jon didn't sign the adoption papers, so Shawn had given up on ever having a permanent home with memories after his mother disappeared with the trailer, and his father took off after her. He knew his father wouldn't come back. He never did. He felt unwanted, depressed, and used. Girls used him for fantasies all the time, some even tried to take advantage of him. With the trailer townie look, and no money, why would anyone want "poor, little Shawn Hunter…" Oh yes he may have been going out with girls since 6th grade, but none lasted. Only Angela ever did, and she dumped him the other night for some rich dude across town. Her father in the military, couldn't even keep them together two weeks.

He wasn't about to commit suicide though, he could overdose anytime he wanted, but Jon's obvious care kept him from it. He couldn't hurt Jon by doing that to him, by leaving. That was why when his father returned, he would kill himself. He didn't want to go back to his old life. As the street punk who everyone talks bad about but never around.

As he neared the street corner Jon's apartment was on, he unlocked the door. Walking over to the bathroom, he opened the medicine cabinet and poured a couple of Tylenol pills in his hand. He drank the two down with water and got ready for bed, put on some pjs, and went to sleep an hour before Jon got home. Shawn always set his alarm for 6:30am, so he could eat breakfast and be out he door early enough for the 7:30 bus.

Jon Turner always checked in with Shawn before hitting the sack, just making sure he was doing his homework, and being healthy.

In the morning, Shawn's alarm woke him up. He got out of bed, but still felt a little woozy, tired, but he thought it would pass as he had gotten up quick. As he walked into the kitchen area of the little flat, Jon asked "How'd you sleep? You get your homework done last night at the Matthews'?" "Sure Jon, sure." "Okay, but you know you have that test in my class today don't you?" Shawn blinked, even through the sleepy haze of the morning sun, he was able to understand "test" and "Today"… His eyes widened at the realization that he hadn't studied, but he had turned all his homework in, so Jon started quizzing him when he asked. Seeing as he knew it all from memory, he did pass for Jon's preliminary impromptu study session, so he caught the bus, and met Cory outside homeroom.

As it turned out, Shawn could barely keep his eyes open all day, though he did stay awake, if on purely adrenaline, for Jon's class. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't want to make a fuss. Jonathan was new at the whole parenting thing, he wouldn't want to deal with this, and Shawn knew he didn't want to have Shawn long-term, so he didn't bother with getting any help. He would wait until his father returned.

As the days continued however, his vow became steadily harder to keep to. He had begun throwing up every time he ate anything, so he just didn't eat in front of Jon.

Shawn's grades had been declining, and Jon couldn't for the life of him figure out why. He thought Shawn was happy here with him, and he seemed happy. He wasn't sick, as far as he could tell at least, though he might not be showing it. He could hide things pretty well. So Jonathan decided to talk to Shawn, and figure what was going on with his grades.

"Hey Shawn, I spoke with Mr. Feeny today, and he told me that you haven't been doing well in any of your classes. Care to tell me why?" Jon asked when Shawn got home that night.

"I don't know, I guess I just haven't been doing well."

"Well that's not a good enough answer Shawn, when I took you in I wanted you to do well in classes. I don't want to be the bad guy here, but I'm going to have ground you from visiting the Matthews' or any after school activities until you pull these grades up."

"NO! I mean umm, no, I'll figure out something on my own, you don't need to help me."

"I'd like to Shawn, I can help you if you'll let me in. I'm a little hurt that you don't seem to want that though. What can I do?"

"I'm sorry, if you want me to leave, I could just go back to live with the Matthews'."

"Shawn, why would I want that, I just want to help, tell me what's wrong. Let me in please, you have been avoiding eye contact with me for the entire conversation. SHAWN!"

At this, Shawn jumped, and raised his eyes, and his eyebrows, to the top of his head. Jon had never shouted like that, and it had sent his ears ringing. For such a quiet person, Jon could probably hold his own in a screaming match. As Shawn raised his eyes, he knew what he was hiding, his eyes were sunken, had grey circles under his eyes. He had been sleeping, but the illness really took a lot out of him. He knew now from research that he had a disease called Luekemia, and it had been at stage 1 when he had begun the dizzy spells. He looked into Jon's eyes, and…


	2. Chapter 2 Jon's Reaction

_At this, Shawn jumped, and raised his eyes, and his eyebrows, to the top of his head. Jon had never shouted like that, and it had sent his ears ringing. For such a quiet person, Jon could probably hold his own in a screaming match. As Shawn raised his eyes, he knew what he was hiding, his eyes were sunken, had grey circles under his eyes. He had been sleeping, but the illness really took a lot out of him. He knew now from research that he had a disease called Luekemia, and it had been at stage 1 when he had begun the dizzy spells. He looked into Jon's eyes, and…_

Jon looked directly into Shawn's eyes and gasped.

"Shawn, what happened!" Jon stood up alarmed. Shawn looked like death itself. He looked like he hadn't eaten properly in days come to think of it. He'd known something was wrong, but he never thought it could be this wrong.

"Why would you care, you didn't sign the adoption papers when you had the chance! I honestly didn't think you'd want to deal with something like this. When my dad left, all my hope of having a real family left along with him."

"No matter what you may think Shawn, I've never stopped caring about you. I filed for medical and life insurance under my name for you. I would have told you on your birthday this year, but considering the circumstances. Shawn, I can't believe you kept something this terrible a secret for so long. You could have come tome at anytime, I understand now why you didn't, but how were you able to hide this? Weren't you scared of dying? What if you had passed out in the hallway, no one would have been there to know what was going on. I'm so sorry." Jon spoke so softly, this last sentence was barely audible, but Shawn heard it. This one sentence surprised him so that he just hugged his teacher and father figure right there. Jon then asked the hardest question of all, "What do you have?" "I did some research on my own, I found the symptoms are directly related to Leukemia."

"Oh God, no no, this can't be happening." Jon whispered as he hugged Shawn to him. His heart wept for the boy in his arms. He would have to check with a doctor before going any further. His knees felt weak, but he moved Shawn over to the couch, and laid down with the now sleeping boy in his arms. He felt cold, lost, and alone just thinking about Shawn not being there with him. Jonathan Turner spent the night crying himself into a restless and fitful sleep, trying to figure out what to do for Shawn in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3 Living the News

DISCLAIMER:

"Is-An-y-bo-dy-be-hind-you,-my-Shawn? We're all alone here, I'm gonna bail, you better not, oh yes I will….." I DON'T OWN BOY MEETS WORLD, though I still don't know who does anymore…? I DON'T OWN O'RIELLY FACTOR, that's Fox News Network.

_Jonathan Turner spent the night crying himself into a restless and fitful sleep, trying to figure out what to do for Shawn in the morning._

Chapter 3 – Living the News

"This is Fox News Live, O'Reilly Factor, No Spin zone starts now."

Eli had been over a while, Jon called him over, not to tell him the grave news, but just for Shawn's benefit. It looked like he simply wanted to forget that he had a Doctor's appointment today, as if it would be like confirming what he already knew. Jon was devastated that the boy so close to becoming his legal son was now facing dying so young. It wasn't fair, Shawn hadn't even begun to live yet and already he'd have the responsibility of leaving a will. Jon had already had one written for himself long ago, but Shawn wouldn't even have to do that until at least thirty. Until now. Jon still had Shawn finish his assignments, his grades had to improve after all, but he did go easy on him. He was struggling to stay awake. His body was clearly tired of fighting the disease on it's own. But one thing hadn't left, that was Shawn's spirit. He hoped Shawn would retain that to the bitter end. Once you've lost hope, stopped smiling, Jon knew he wouldn't have much time left. Jonathan had adopted him, he just hadn't filed the paperwork with the Child Services until he knew Shawn would accept it, not knowing that's what Shawn had wanted all along. He looked at the clock, it was 12pm, Shawn's appointment was 12:30 this afternoon.

"Hey Shawn, you ready to go yet?"

"Of course, Jon, but I guess I'm still scared. I don't know what to expect."

"Of course not, but maybe they could still give you more time. The time estimate will not be the most important though. What we need to know is if they can properly fight this with medications. That's why you should have come to me immediately, we can't risk catching this thing too late. I just don't want to lose you kid. I should have told you long ago that you like a son to me."

"I know that Jon. It was a stupid mistake on my part to not tell you. I just didn't want to believe it, now I guess I have to."

Eli was then snacking on potato chips, attempting to make Shawn laugh a little. He started stuffing the things into his mouth, forming the infamous Daffy Duck grin with the two chips, then taking a couple soda straws, and made antennae. "Heh… what outfit would ever be complete without mask!" Eli joked. Shawn then looked over at him, and burst out laughing at his absurdity. This lightened the moods of the three of them considerably.

Jon then drove Shawn over to the doctor's office in the snow. Shawn had waited until the weather had progressed into winter to tell him anything about the cancer. That's what made him worry so, he didn't know when he had started into the pain. One of the symptoms was throwing up blood, and he was honestly afraid he'd lose Shawn before they could even start living.

Jon thought on this though. His own grandparents had died the night he moved to Connecticut with his parents. His grandmother had had Leukemia. He knew what it was like for her. A tear escaped his eyes as he glanced at Shawn and turned into the driveway of the hospital offices of Shawn's new doctor.

"_We can't take risks." Jon said gazing into his fiancee's bright blue eyes._

"_We have to Jonathan. We don't know if this will kill me." Dana said as she climbed into the car. "I will go on the chemo next week. I just don't think this will work."_

"_You have to have hope Dana."_

"You have to have hope Shawn. Otherwise you'll be doomed. You have to think that you will make it through this, no matter what form this takes, how close to death this takes you, you have to stay strong."


	4. Chapter 4 Telling Chet

"_You have to have hope Shawn. Otherwise you'll be doomed. You have to think that you will make it through this, no matter what form this takes, how close to death this takes you, you have to stay strong."_

Shawn closed his eyes as the doctor examined him. He didn't want to see the stern face as the man knew what was wrong. He didn't want to think about, or see the truth, because it would just bring him more pain.

"Shawn, I'm Mrs. Croria Dioran. I'll be the one treating you for the remainder of this time." Shawn shook hands with her and smiled, she seemed nice.

Too nice, he thought, she probably has bad news all around that fake smile she just threw me.

"Shawn," Miss Croria said, "What would you say if I told you that you would walk out of here healed completely?"

Shawn stared at her. Is she nuts? He gave her a look and said "I'd say you were either crazy, or a bloody miracle worker."

"Well you can. We have the means to completely push patients, even you, into remission. We can heal you, but we will have to start now. You've held this treatment off so long, another week, we might not have been able to stop this thing."

"But I thought there was no cure?"

"Oh there's not, but the chemotherapy works most of the time. The only reason we lose patients is because they weren't young like you, or they simply lost hope. Have faith Shawn, you can beat this."

"What's the time estimate?"

"I'm not giving you that yet. Mostly because if I gave you that, it would simply give you a reason not to go through with the chemo, and you'd just go on without fighting this with everything. If I set a time limit for you now, then you would simply stick to that, and not try longer. We need you to try Shawn. For any of this to work, you have to try."

Jonathan was simply lost in thought, she was giving him hope for a future with Shawn by saying those words, but he couldn't believe them. Not until Shawn was truly in remission. He couldn't hope for more than that yet. Shawn looked so close to death, he was almost a skeleton. Jonathan couldn't stand seeing Shawn like that. It broke him to know he may only have a few months with the boy. He would have to inform Mr. Feeny of the situation, other than that, it was really Shawn's to tell. He needed Mr. Feeny to be aware of it in case anything went wrong, and he was unreachable.

Later that night, while Shawn was knocked out on meds for awhile, Jon made a call to Chet's cell phone. As Shawn's biological father, Jon knew he would want to know. Even though Chet had been gone for a year, and would most likely try to take Shawn, he had a right to know his son was dying. "Chet, Jonathan Turner here, a drop in Shawn's grades prompted me to talk to him about it. I thought there was something wrong, but not this wrong. I knew you'd want to know, and you have the right to know, but I think Shawn should probably tell you himself. Give us a call when you get this, it's rather important. Shawn will be up tomorrow at 6:30, you can call then."

Shawn awoke at the normal 6:30am as always. He still felt sore, but he had to go to school today. He knew Jon had a meeting with Mr. Feeny this morning, assumed they would talk about him. But he got a call early in the morning. "Shawn Hunter speaking."

"Shawnie? That you?"

"Dad? I didn't think you'd call this early, have you found mom?"

"No son, though I did get a call from Mr. Turner last night, he told me you had something to tell me, wouldn't tell himself though…. What is this about Shawn? What haven't you been telling me?"

"Like you care…You ran off after mom, didn't take me with you, and just skipped town. You've been gone a year, no call, no nothing."

"Shawn please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left it was stupid. Please tell me what's wrong?"

"Dad…" Shawn voice was breaking just over the one sentence. "Turner took me to the doctor's the other day, …. Dad, I'm dying. It's Leukemia. God dad, I'm so scared… Turner has adopted me, after you left they listed me as officially abandoned. He didn't want to do it at first, but after I didn't tell him I'd been sick, he went out and did the whole thing."

"Sweet lord, Shawn! Oh God no… Please me this is some sick joke. You're dying?" Chet sank to floor after hearing this. The shear weight of the whole thing was killing him. "no, nonononono. No Shawn, I… I'm so sorry. I'm coming right over, spend some time with you ok? We'll call your mother from there."

"Ok Dad. I miss you, I love you."

"I love you too Shawnie…"

Shawn hung up the phone and went to use his extra energy to work on homework at Cory's.


	5. Chapter 5 The Strange questions

DISCLAIMER:

"Cory, do you have Any idea who you're working for?" … "You're working for the mob." "But the nice mob…" "yea sure the nice mob, Come here.." Flick! I DON'T OWN BOY MEETS WORLD, though I still don't know who does anymore…?

Chapter 5 – The strange questions

"_Ok Dad. I miss you, I love you."_

"_I love you too Shawnie…"_

_Shawn hung up the phone and went to use his extra energy to work on homework at Cory's. _

Shawn stared up at the glistening snowy mountain. It was the first day of the Christmas Holidays and Jon had brought him up to Aspen, Colorado. They had brought Angela, Topenga, and Cory, who couldn't ski well, so the three of them went to the bunny slopes, while Shawn and Jon, both who had been skiing a while, took the skies on the advanced sloping of the back mountain.

Angela had spoken to him before the Christmas Break, she had had enough of being away from him. She had reasons of her own, being depressed, and he helped her with her grades. But the relationship was really closely led by her. She had kissed him the minute he smiled at her. He was sorry he'd have to leave. The pain was constant now, a dull ache in the back of his mind, just barely reminding him everyday of how little time he would have left. Unless some miracle brought him through the chemotherapy, he'd be gone before the year was over. He couldn't leave Angela that suddenly, He knew he'd have to tell her soon, he couldn't break her heart like that.

It was still a few weeks into December and winter had come early. It was 15 below, and wind chill made it about 30 below. Shawn and Jon went snowboarding early one morning, a special treat for getting A's on his report despite the riveting cancer. It was hardly spoken of, but it irritated Shawn to death when Jon would keep casting sidelong sad glances at him every time he thought Shawn wouldn't notice. He didn't want Jon in this much pain, they were both anticipating the worst case scenario during his next treatment and scan. But Shawn knew Jon was worried, he had good reason to be, but he didn't let on that he didn't like it. It was already killing Jonathan to know Shawn wasn't going to be there.

Shawn had yet to tell Cory and Topenga, he knew it had to be soon, before he collapsed in the hall or they found out some other way. Topenga would notice his sullen look, but Cory might not even know about it.

Shawn and Jon both prepared to ride down the slopes on last time when Jon stopped him. "We'll still go, but I want to ask you something."

"Ok shoot."

"What is the one thing you'd wish for if you wanted anything?"

Shawn was quiet for a while. He just stared at the sky, looking down the mountain path they were on. Up until the point Jon thought he wouldn't answer, Shawn replied, "Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to see the Rose Windows of the Notre Dame. I've seen photos sure, but nothing could compare to the magnificence of seeing them up close. It was always just dream though. My family was always so poor, I figured why try? I'm never going to get there. Now maybe I never will."

Jon looked at Shawn, and noticed a solitary tear slide down his face as his eyes closed. He then vowed to get Shawn there, let him see this one gift. "Are you scared?" Shawn just mutely nodded. "But I think maybe it's for the best either way."

This caused Jonathan to look at Shawn in shock, "Are you kidding me? You've barely begun to live and you're already saying death is for the best? Shawn I couldn't bare to lose you. You're like a son to me. What do you have there? Look at all you have here. You have friends, you have me, you have a life here Shawn. I'm begging you, don't throw your life away."

"I was depressed when my father left, this just made me realize no one really wants me, you're all just saying that to make me feel better, make my last days here special…maybe I should just kill myself get it over with." Shawn said bitterly as he pushed down on his ski poles and took off full speed down the mountain pass.

Jon, following close behind, waited until they were down the mountain to go up to Shawn and smack him straight across the face. "I don't want to hear you say that again Shawn! I honestly can't believe you would feel like ending your own life when you have so little time anyway! It has torn me apart knowing you could be weeks away from leaving me forever, don't make this harder on both of us by trying to kill yourself."

"I love you Shawn. I can't just watch my own son die by his own hand." Jon whispered.

"I'm not your son." Shawn said as he ran off having taken his skis off. Jon swore as he paid for the trip, and walked back to the car. What he didn't expect to find was Shawn missing.


	6. Chapter 6 Desperation

DISCLAIMER:

"Cory, do you have Any idea who you're working for?" … "You're working for the mob." "But the nice mob…" "yea sure the nice mob, Come here.." Flick! I DON'T OWN BOY MEETS WORLD, though I still don't know who does anymore…?

Thanks guys so much! Your reviews great! Thanks to SunRise19 and Julie. There will be a chapter everyday. I'm going to try to find a way to make this story 40 chapters, though at this rate, I might not make 10. Give me some ideas on what to write. I could always use more ideas. Like what should Shawn feel like? Should this all be some dark secret? Or should I have Cory and Mr. Feeny and everyone know about it before Chapter 10?

Chapter 6 - Desperation

"_I'm not your son." Shawn said as he ran off having taken his skis off. Jon swore as he paid for the trip, and walked back to the car. What he didn't expect to find was Shawn missing. _

Jon had searched everywhere for Shawn, he checked the car, went to the carts t go up the mountain and spoke with operator to see if he had gotten on again. He went into the local diner, and asked the manager if anyone had seen him. Only then did he return to the car panicked. He had spoken with the police to search the area for Shawn. Shawn's last words with him echoed through his mind like a broken record.

_Maybe I should just kill myself…get it over with…_

_I'm not your son._

He cared to much for that boy to lose him now. This was too soon than the too soon he was preparing himself for, Shawn hadn't even told Cory about the Leukemia and he was talking of killing himself? God where did he go wrong? He couldn't watch Shawn die right before his eyes. "Shawn please just come back. I don't care where we go from here, just come back." Jon said desperately, his own voice echoed around the mountain.

Jon was brought out of his reverie by movement in the bushes near the car. He went to investigate, thinking it was probably just a rogue squirrel, completely harmless. What he never thought he'd find was lying right before his eyes. Shawn had been there all along, he had heard everything. Blood was everywhere, Jon knew this wasn't the time for yelling, he quickly covered Shawns arms in his coat, ignoring the blood that would seep through as he desperately tried to stop the flow of blood from the wounds. Shawn was unconscious by the time Jon found him, and Jon reached into his pocket, checking for some sort of note. He found one, wrapped around a bloody gun. Jon paled as he realized what Shawn had done, why there was so much blood… "No Shawn, God don't leave now, not yet, please not like this." Jon cried as he wrapped his arms around the boy and cried, still holding his arms in an effort to stop what he could. He took off Shawns jacket, and held it open as he pressed his coat into the wound. Jon called 911 on his cell phone, and an ambulance would be there in five…

Shawn's POV

"_I'm not your son_" Shawn yells as he runs off. He and Jon both knew he wasn't Jon's son. He felt betrayed, by his father, by Jon, by everyone. They all just couldn't see it, they couldn't see what was right in front of them. His life was breaking before him, he was getting good grades, but once his father left, he had started cutting, and the Leukemia simply added to this whole mess, he just wanted out. He wanted out of this hell, living with Turner was great, but he couldn't take the pain. He ran until he was out of breath, and just laid down in the woods and cried his heart out. It was painful to think about it really. He was just a kid with hopeless dreams, and a shattered life before him, he couldn't handle this. He knew Jon was angry at him for saying something so cruel. He knew he disappointed the one who meant something to him, Jon may not be his father, but he cared about him. He cared too much to let go, but knew he had to, the fact that Jon had called his father the night before had hurt him. It meant Jon didn't want him permanently. He would go back to his father and be the one always was. _Trailer trash, from the other side of the tracks, on the other side of the road from here. Trailer trash, unwanted, unloved by anyone, scenes of yesteryear, and friends far away, at death's door, I don't want to live this life anymore. God help me to escape, I don't want this anymore…_Shawn sang these words while he played a guitar he had brought with him to the slopes. He brought this thing everywhere, and alone and lonely Shawn walked back to the car, Jon was gone, so he just laid the guitar down, and went into the trees, just enough to remain hidden. He took out his pen knife, the one Jon had given him when he'd been told of the cancer. He felt along the cold blade, and cried, "Lord give me the strength, I can't get out of any of this." Shawn began to write a note to Jon,

_Jon,_

_By the time you read this, I'll probably be gone. I can't live with the pain, knowing that you'd just give me back to my father the first real chance you got. You were my first real chance at a life. I wanted so much for this particular living arrangement to be perfect, so I tried my best not to ruin it. I guess I failed that test hmm? I'm sorry it had to be this way, but just thinking about my own dreams shattering before me, I can't move on from this because I know I won't make it through this struggle. This disease is killing me faster than I can fight, I just want it all to end._

_Just stay alive Jon. I love you, as a son should love his father. You truly are my father, always._

_Goodbye, _

_Shawn Turner._

Shawn placed the letter in his pocket, and he felt the gun. Should I just make this quick? He had already begun cutting into his arms as he was writing. There were spots of blood soaking into the letter. He was debating whether to use the thing when Jon came walking up. He hadn't noticed the guitar, but he slowly sank to his and cried, cried for Shawn.. ""Shawn please just come back. I don't care where we go from here, just come back."

Shawn tried to speed this up, he didn't want Jon to find him yet, not until he was good and gone. He started cutting deeper, harder, which made the bush behind him move ever so slightly, and Jon got up and moved toward the bush. Shawn began to lose consciousness as he saw Jon's worried face over him.


	7. Chapter 7 Mr Feeny might want to know

DISCLAIMER:

"Cory, do you have Any idea who you're working for?" … "You're working for the mob." "But the nice mob…" "yea sure the nice mob, Come here.." Flick! I DON'T OWN BOY MEETS WORLD, though I still don't know who does anymore…?

_Shawn began to lose consciousness as he saw Jon's worried face over him._

Chapter 7 – Mr. Feeny might want to know.

Both POV's.

Shawn awoke to his name being called. "Shawn can you hear me, Shawn! Shawn please just answer me…. Please." Jon was off to the side, seemingly in another room, he was in a hospital bed. He looked over at Jonathan, there were tears in his eyes, looked like he'd been distraught and crying for sometime. He didn't think anyone would miss him, I guess Jon did. "God Hunter, why would you do something like this? I thought you'd want to try to make it through this thing"… "Shawn. Shawn are even listening? Shawn… Shawn… Shawn, Hey Hunter!" that was Cory's voice… Shawn woke with a started surprise. It was a dream? Was all of it a dream? He was beyond confused. What had happened since he'd been there? What hadn't happened? He voiced his questions as Turner led him out into the hall. "You do have the cancer Shawn, the fatigue will be normal for awhile, but it's also a sign that you're getting worse, your body is fighting this however."

"What about my dad? Does he know? Did I… I dreamed I'd tried to kill myself… what actually happened on that ski trip, Jon?"

"Hunter are you serious? You were there… But I should tell you, you never tried to take your own life. We drove home and that was the end of it. But if you are ever afraid, or you're out of hope, come to me, we'll talk. We will talk. I don't want to lose you Shawn."

Shawn broke down right there in the hall, he didn't want to die by his own hand, he wanted to apologize to Jonathan for ever saying that he did. But for some he just couldn't find the words at that point.

Jon walked Shawn to the nurse, told him he'd be back later. Jon then went to meet Mr. Feeny for lunch. "Hey George, how's your day been?"

"Fine Jonathan, but I should inquiring that of you. You've been quiet over the past few weeks, might I inquire what's wrong?"

"I don't know if he would want me to tell you."

"Well, would such information be private? Unless this information if going untold, affects his life in a way which may endanger said person, perhaps you should tell me. If this concerns a certain student we know who is in your charge, I've been noticing troubling signs about him. But then again, if Shawn felt the need to keep this a secret from me, then I have not pried. So long as I know you about this, I won't ask more of you, but should something happen to Shawn, it may benefit you both to let me know ahead of time." Mr. Feeny said gently and sagely.

Just like George…Jon thought as he pondered these words. Shawn wouldn't want people to know, but there were circumstances which may arise that Mr. Feeny especially should be aware of, he also lived near Shawn's friend Cory's house, so he'd be available when Shawn went over there. Shawn may even have a mentor in Mr. Feeny.

"George, I spoke with Shawn before Christmas break, I could tell there was something off with his grades. I still can't forget the moment he looked at me, he hadn't been sleeping, he was so pale, I knew something was wrong. The reasons I never noticed it before, was that he hadn't spoken, nor did he look at me for long when he was around. He was never around privately to even hold a long conversation with him. Obviously I knew he was avoiding me, but I never thought it would be this George. He knew, he knew about this thing and didn't bother telling me because he felt unwanted. He has Leukemia George. I nearly collapsed when he told me, he hides it so well you wouldn't have known."

George gasped at these words, his eyes widened, he tried to offer what comfort he could, as Jon was so distraught, but he wasn't taking the news much better himself. He almost wished Jon had kept this from him, but he had to know, if anything happened and Jon wasn't around, he would need to at least one person who could get the medical help to him quickly. He then asked one of the hardest questions he ever had to ask. "How long, Jonathan? How well has he been fighting this?" George almost couldn't even say it, he felt like he would break any minute.

"The doctors didn't give Shawn one, but they spoke to me out of the room. They didn't even give him a year. Barely a year if that was one projection. They told him to just keep fighting it, keep smiling, gives him hope, that he may live. But the way he looked, I don't even know if he'll make it to next Christmas…" Jon whispered so softly George had to strain to hear him. It was so loud being lunchtime in the Cafeteria, he could barely hear Turner as he gave him Shawn diagnosis. It was a sad affair when they got up from the table, the two being rather shaken, Jon by admitting Shawn may be gone in a year, and George just in shock from the information. He offered Jon to sit for some tea before class, and they both walked to teacher's lounge for privacy as they collected themselves for their next class. "What are going to do for him?" George asked Jonathan as they sat down again.

"I'll just be there. He needs someone to keep the hope alive for him. He's told me when we went skiing in Colorado that he's always wanted to see the Rose Windows in Notre Dame Cathedral. I'm going to make sure that happens for him, no matter what I will get him there this summer, or maybe closer to Spring Break.

He told me something else during that trip. I don't know if he'd want me to tell you, but I'm letting you know anyway. He told me he wanted to kill himself. I can't believe this, not only he have this situation to battle with, I've got to protect him from himself. He ran off after I'd said that I thought of him as my own son. He later admitted that at this he felt betrayed, I honestly thought he'd end up trying to do something rash at that moment. When I couldn't find him, I panicked. I looked everywhere but in the car itself. Shawn had hid down in the floor boards, then got up and started playing this song he'd written, he needed some sort of comfort then, I guess. I just thank the Lord he stayed away from the knife that time, but what about next time George? How am I to protect him if I screw up again? He's on the edge of death right and I can't even do anything right by him."

"All I can tell you Mr. Turner, is to keep him safe, just keep things real. What will help him is normalcy, and love. What that young man needs right now is love. He may have this with Angela, make sure the two of them stay together. She could be the key to his ultimate survival, she breaks up with him again, Shawn may not make it through this. Shawn will need her in the coming months more than ever."


	8. Chapter 8 Angela's Birthday Gift

"_All I can tell you Mr. Turner, is to keep him safe, just keep things real. What will help him is normalcy, and love. What that young man needs right now is love. He may have this with Angela, make sure the two of them stay together. She could be the key to his ultimate survival, she breaks up with him again, Shawn may not make it through this. Shawn will need her in the coming months more than ever."_

_**Chapter 8 – Angela's Birthday Gift**_

Angela woke early February 14th, with plans to surprise Shawn. She was still in love with him, and couldn't stand seeing him as sick as he was. His Birthday was July 27th, and that meant she'd have a little more than four months for her plan. She was writing Shawn a special song, but first, getting back together with him. She walked with him to school from Turner's place, and Cory and Topanga were in front of them, as always.

"Shawn, I'm so sorry about the Leukaemia. Truly, I'll be here. I can't stand being with Jack, he's not who I thought he was. But you are. _You_ are my friend. Thank you for being that for me Shawn." Angela said quietly, almost shyly, as if she was afraid he would hurt her.

"Umm, sure, thanks, it was no problem. I love you Angela, I don't want to see you hurt." Shawn said, thinking about what would happen when he died, he hated leaving her. "We shouldn't get back together though,…"

"Why not, Shawn? You deserve to be happy at least once in your life. I hated being away from you, you're the best person I've met in a long time, why can't you see that?" Angela pleaded with him.

"Because I will be dead by the end of this Angela! I'm _dying_, you'll only be hurt by that if you get closer to me." Shawn's eyes teared as he spoke this.

"I'm _already_ close to you Shawn. Just like Cory and Topanga are to you. Just the fact that you care enough not to hurt me makes me see that you are a good person, and you deserve this." Angela kissed Shawn lightly. "If you don't come out of this alive Shawn, I will bring you back just to kill you again. I don't expect to be hurt again, so let me help you _survive_." Angela said stepping up to Shawn defiantly. "Don't you leave."

SASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASAS

Later that same day, Angela and Shawn exchanged Valentine gifts, Angela gave Shawn a Heart shaped box of chocolates, and Shawn, he gave her a Teddy Bear that said "Always my Love, my light, and my life." The two spent the day swimming in the town pool, then playing darts and pool at Chubbie's. Mr. Turner didn't spy on them, he just left them alone at his apartment. He trusted Angela enough to stop Shawn going too far, and he trusted Shawn to listen. It was the least he could do for the kid.

_I could stay awake,_

_Just to you breathing,_

_Watch you smily while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming…_

_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender.._

_I could stay lost in this moment forever…_

The weeks slipped by slowly, as Shawn got worse, and Jon grew more worried. He rarely let the young boy out of his sight for fear that he wouldn't be there should Shawn relapse. Shawn was in and out of the hospital every week like clockwork. Mr. Feeny made sure Shawn was able to get his work done, and it being senior year, the group wanted to see Shawn graduate, so Cory, Topanga, Angela, Jonathan, and even Mr. Feeny would help him when he wasn't able to finish the work. Shawn was truly a smart young man, and everyone would be sad if he died.

_When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure!_

As far as his health went, it was a roller coaster, up one minute, and declining the next. Doctors said if he was starting to cough a lot of blood, or felt extremely sick, Jon should just give him natural meds and minerals to help him rest and sleep it off. Shawn was given chemo treatments twice a week, on Tuesday and Saturday, but was cheerful. Jonathan grew closer to Shawn, and soon, it was a week before Shawn's birthday, on July 27th, and Jon had tickets set for July 14th, to Paris, France. He surprised Shawn with the five tickets on July 1st, saying they all could go as a special treat. He could bring Cory, Topanga, and Angela along. "Jon.. I don't know what to say, no one's ever done something like this for me…" Shawn choked out after about a minute of staring at them. He threw his arms around Jon's neck and pulled him into a fierce hug. He wanted to be here, he wanted to be a part of Jon's family. Jon was more of a father than he could ever ask for.

Angela, soon ready to put her plan into action, awoke Cory, Topanga, and Mr. Turner at midnight on July 27th. They crept into the room's "kitchen" area, and began to decorate. Angela set up the piano, along with her song on the piano. As Shawn came into the room, but baring the tell-tale dark circles of sleep-less nights under his eyes, Angela started playing.

"_**Amethyst**"_

_When you cannot find yourself_

_Don't let the fire fade_

_From the waters, _

_From the water…_

_Just let the storm clouds pass us by_

_On wings of change,_

_On wings of change…_

_Keep the howls silent in the night_

_And don't let the water bathe in our gaze_

_Don't let the fire fade_

_Blow the clouds away_

_With winds of time_

_Like a jewel in the night_

_Keep it shining with the light_

_Sapphire don't let the fire fade…_

_Rebecca don't let the fire fade…_

_Keep the howls silent in the night_

_And don't let the water bathe in our gaze_

_Don't let the fire fade_

_Violet visage in this violence_

_Holding onto love's dear light_

_Keep the green in your blue-eyed sight_

_Keep the howls silent in the night_

_Keep it shining with the light_

_Don't let the fire fade from your sight._

Angela's voice faded into the background as Shawn fell asleep. He never told anyone of the pain he felt, nor of the gift he had for Angela. The next morning, before any of the others got up, Shawn crept into his Angel's room. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he woke her up holding a cup of hot chocolate, and a small box in the other.

"Angela, I'm sorry I wasn't the best boyfriend over the last few months. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my cancer either, I was just really afraid of leaving you alone." Shawn spoke, with tears in his eyes.

Since he knew he couldn't be with her all the time, he had wanted to give her something to remember them. He had chosen an Amethyst necklace, as it was her birth stone. The love he still felt for Angela shone in his eyes as she opened the velvet box. Shawn slipped the clear purple stone around her neck, kissing her softly, and whispered, "Will you marry me?"

Shawn had closed his eyes tightly, expecting rejection. His hands trembled and shook, but Angela kissed him softly, and wiped his tears away. "Shawn…" she started to complain, but one look in Shawn's eyes told her to say "Yes, I will marry you, on the condition that it be here, at Notre Dame." She said quietly, taking hold of his hand. "But in return, you have to get through this, Hunter! You won't leave, not yet." Angela said glaring.

Shawn nodded, and smiled the cute smile, "Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way."

Shawn and Angela walked downstairs with the rest of the group, and Shawn told Cory, Jon, and Topanga that he had proposed to Angela. "Way to go, Hunter." Jon said, hugging him around the shoulders. "Oh that's really sweet Shawn." Topanga exclaimed excitedly when Angela told her the way he proposed to her.

Jon hailed a cab, and the five climbed in, going to the cathedral. As they approached, Jon pointed out a sign outside Shawn's side of the window. He had called a friend in Paris, and had gotten Shawn a dedication, in the form of one of the most beautiful windows on the famed Cathedral. The sign read "To a wonderful and beloved son, from his proud father."

"I couldn't be prouder of your bravery, Shawn." Jon whispered as Shawn could do nothing but gape at the heartfelt dedication that Jon meant with all his heart.

Topanga and Angela lit a candle for Shawn, and Shawn lit one for all those suffering from Leukaemia. Cory stood by with Jon and asked him, "So, you think he'll be okay? Would you do it all again?"

"I love him, Cor, I wouldn't miss knowing Shawnie for anything. But I'm glad he's still with us. I just pray the next few months will be as blessed and real as these have been, without the drama and worry. Though, I'd worry about him every day, I couldn't do anything less because every day could be his last, and I just can't stand to lose him, Matthews." Mr. Turner replied solemnly. He knew things wouldn't be the same, but he hoped Shawn would get into college, and that they would be the family that he always needed.

"Oh yes. They'll love. Truly, they'll live." Jon whispered as he walked along, watching his new son. As they left the cathedral to explore the magnificent city, Shawn leaned in close to Jonathan and sighed, "Thank you, Father…" And finally, Shawn and Jon could rest, they could heal, be at peace, as a family…


	9. Chapter 9 Okay Shawn?

Okay, so that last chapter wasn't actually THE Last one… Somoen told me it wasn't realistic, and I didn't really like the chapter anyway, to be honest. So here's my new one.

DISclaimer: I don't own this story… "I could offer you a home. A roof over your head, and a window to crawl out of…"

Angela and Shawn were married in a formal ceremony early the next morning as the sun rose in the distance. Jon pulled in a few favors, since they had to leave that morning. Shawn had made a promise to Angela that he intended to keep this time around. He wouldn't make the same mistake he had earlier.

_I, Shawn, take thee Angela, to have and to hold…_

_I, Angela, shall take thee Shawn, til death, and beyond, Shawn…_

"I love you, Angela." Shawn whispered as he woke in the plane seat beside her. Jonathan had given them a bit of privacy for the ride home, and Shawn knew he would miss the sun shining on Angela's face, and seeing her. If he died, he'd miss having Jon as a father.

---------------------------------

Jon slept anxiously as Shawn started to awaken. He was worried that the boy wouldn't survive the more intense chemotherapy. That morning, they had arrived home, and Shawn had an appointment with his Dr. Vivoli, to assess how much chemo they would need to use. The Paris trip had took a lot from Shawn, but he knew it was worth everything, just to give Shawn a few happy days.

"Shawnsie, let's see how you've faired in those tests. I'm thinking we may need to heighten the tests, as your body appears to be weakening. I'm going to be giving you 100 doses, two doses a day, 50 days. Let's see how that works. It's a long shot, but if this works, you'll be in the clear."

"That's good then. The faster we can beat it, the faster I can get on with life, right?" Shawn said, smiling bitterly. "These things are a lot, but it's worth it for Ange."

Shawn winced in pain as he got off the examining table, but kept his smile, he knew he'd need it with the chemo. "I guess I'll lose my hair won't I?" Shawn stated with a little sarcasm. He had joy in his heart though, and the laughter was still there. Jon thought Shawn truly needed this arrangement, and he might have a chance at life. Life with Angela. He needed her as she needed him.

"Let's go over to Chubbie's, Shawnsie, I think Cory and Topanga will be meeting us there."

"Alright…"

Shawn gripped his hot cocoa silently as he was brought to tears by the pain. It was good that he could hide it easily… Jon was in the bathroom, and Cory and Topanga had just left with Angela, she was visiting with her father, as today was the last day he would be here for the semester before they had Thankgiving next month. He had had minor bouts of pain from the chemo over the past weeks since his appointment with Dr. Vivoli. According to her, there was nothing for it, but he thought that was a load bull. Jon told him that he had faith that Shawn would pull out of this easily, but Shawn was still skeptical. It was all he could do to keep up the act of happiness for Jon. He wasn't expected to be tough by any means, but if Jon thought he was losing it, he'd get sad, and Shawn couldn't handle that. If Jon was sad over him, he'd be sad.

"Hey, you ready to go?" Jon came back over and helped him up.

"Yea, yea I am… I got my letter from Penbrook, I thought we'd open it together, eh Jon?"

"Sure, we can pick up Angela on Tuesday, so that gives us tonight to plan." Jon said with a wink.

"You sure she got in?" Shawn asked.

"Of course, I have a friend in the offices over there." Jon said.

"Obviously, you always have friends in the right places…" Shawn rolled his eyes at Jon.

"Well I'm a teacher aren't I? I'm supposed to have friends in high places." Jon replied.

Jon's apartment was chock-a-block full of "Congrats Grad!" and Happy Birthday balloons. This was for a Birthday Shawn was throwing for Topanga, and a special Graduation Party for the rest of them.

"So let's open that letter shall we?" Shawn said, closing his eyes slightly for sleep.

Shawn grabbed the letter out of his bag, and took a letter opener to it, unfolding the multiple pieces of paper apprehensively. "I got in…" Shawn said beaming. "I got in!"

"Well of course you did, you had the grades." Jon said, smiling at Shawn proudly.

Shawn's eyes became unfocused in his excitement, '_shouldn't he be jumping around?_' Jon thought. As Shawn became more aware, he said, "I think I'll turn in early, tonight Jonathan."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yea, I'm _fine_, I'm fine."


	10. Chapter 10 Shawn's Final Act

**Boy Meets World is NOT mine. Otherwise I'd be a millionaire.**

Jonathan Turner awoke early. He couldn't forget the haunted look Shawn had when he had said goodnight. Jon wasn't so sure it was as over as it all had seemed. Instinctively, he got up and walked into the kitchen at the sound of a gut-wrenching crying coming from the window.

Shawn was half heaving, half crying on the floor near the hearth, opposite the sink.

"Shawn, what's wrong?" Jon asked extremely nervous for his son.

"It's not over." Shawn whispered. Jon's eyes widened as he looked up at the night sky. Towards heaven. He gazed into Shawn's eyes to see trust, love, and above all strength and courage. Jonathan respected Shawn deeply for having such a spirit. He was loving, and caring even in the face of abandonment.

Suddenly, Shawn stared at Jon as he convulsed in overwhelming pain. Shawn clutched wildly at Jon's arm, not wanting him to leave. "Shawn, please, let me get you some help. Your strength is so admirable, please don't lose that now." Jon said to Shawn, as he felt the grip loosen.

"It's no use, Jon. I'm fighting this as much as I can. But please, if you can, I need more time with her." Shawn asked, a desperate look in his doe-eyed smile.

"Shawn?" Angela asked as she came to the kitchen, missing him in the night.

"Ang, my angel, I'll be here." Shawn said as he reached for her heart.

Jon got up and called the hospital for what he hoped and prayed wouldn't be the last time. Shawn watched Jon leave for a few minutes and looked into Angela's eyes. "You have more beauty in you smile and your eyes than a million stars. My one regret is being unable to stay. For her. For her."

"Shawn?" Jon asked, coming from his phone call.

"Yea. I'm still here." Shawn gasped harshly.

"The ambulance will be here in a few minutes, can you hang on til then?" Jon said worriedly.

"Sure, I think so." Shawn was tired as he said this. Would they miss him if he left? Yes they would. Cory and he had been friends since he had saved Cory. Topanga had been his friend since she moved in next door. As if on cue, Cory and Topanga walked in, having been roused from sleep by a half-frantic Angela.

"Shawnsie?" Cory asked worriedly.

"Yesie?" Shawn said jokingly.

"Just so you know, I'll be looking out for them here. I'll see you on the other side, k?" Cory just hoped his statement wouldn't be true for a while.

"Of course my friend." Shawn said, looking at Cory lovingly.

"Shawn. You stay with us. Don't you dare, don't you DARE split up this trio!" Topanga yelled as if she had a B from Mr. Feeny. "Don't you dare leave us now." She whispered more quietly.

"Shawn's through here." Jon instructed the paramedics into the kitchen. The three EMTs quickly hooked Shawn up to a blood strengthening device which pumped new blood into Shawn.

"I'll be here." Shawn whispered to the four as they carried Shawn out the door. The ambulance left, and Jon with them, leaving the three friends standing alone, wach in their own thoughts. Seeing Shawn like this had them more worried than ever for their young friend.

Next Scene

Jon went with Shawn as they wheeled him into the hospital. He went with him to the emergency room. He went with him. As Shawn's father, he would stay wherever they put Shawn. He would stay. He felt Shawn's hand on his shoulder. Guiding him slowly. But he looked around, Shawn was still the bed. He hadn't gotten up. He heard someone whisper, "Guide him home, Jonathan, and don't weep for him. You'll see him soon."

"No." Jon sank to his knees. His throat constricted as Shawn's monitors went off as suddenly as the voice stopped talking. Angel Gabriel watched the father, as he wanted to flee from the room, but wanted more to rouse his son and hold on to his hand. As he was guided from the room, he felt a brush of wings. In his shock, he knew Shawn. Jon knew he wouldn't go.

On the boulevard

Looking for your face

Fearing where you might be

On the boulevard

Killing the pain of not knowing

With hands and heart of stony grace

On the boulevard

Waiting to know

Waiting to die

Wanting you back

"Jon?" Cory asked, having just gotten there with Topanga and Angela in tow.

At Jon's fearful and amazed look, the once quad of friends, now a trio, asked if Shawn was okay. Jon shook his head no, as he grabbed Shawn's hands into his. Holding on so tightly that death wouldn't have separated them. "Shawn's gone." Jon whispered as he floated upwards. The trio watched as Jon took his position next to Shawn's floating form. The guide was sent with the spirit to make sure Shawn got to Heaven safely.

"I love you, Shawn. You're my son. I'd never get through this life without you." Jon said as he walked through the continuum with Shawn.

"I just hope Angela doesn't do something drastic. That dream of her was a shock." Shawn said.

"Yes, she'll be along in about nine months though. I think Cory would only be too happy to care for your son and daughter as if they were his."

"So may it be. So may it be."

On the boulevard

Looking for your face

Fearing where you might be

On the boulevard

Killing the pain of not knowing

With hands and heart of stony grace

On the boulevard

Waiting to know

Waiting to die

Wanting you back

As the old teacher said goodnight, he closed his eyes with a silent cry. "You were always my favorite, young man. I pray you'll wake in a better place."

For my readers, I honestly wanted to have this end differently. I wanted Shawn to be saved, but I really think I know what they mean by the story writes itself. I think this is where I ended up, and I'm happy with it. Granted, it's not what I wanted, but I think the story ultimately had to end this way. I love you guys, and please, review. I did take the review on the last chapter being too fake, but I think this was a very fun endeavor, thanks to your excellent comments and criticism.

God Bless, and Have a Wonderful Christmas! Btw, there may be a sequel, but I doubt it. Unless something crazy comes in.


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